Being thankful.
I was fortunate, once in my life, to meet and be mentored by a great spiritual thinker. When you encounter someone “enlightened” you know it. They operate differently and it seems that they don’t really live here in the same space that the rest of us do. He is no longer living but I think of him from time to time and can remember his sweet voice saying to me, “Be thankful in ALL things. A-double-L, ALL things.”
I’ve done my best this week to be thankful even though I’ve been so disappointed for the outcome of the past two weeks at the UNI and SA recruiting fairs. In my head I know that many teachers are offered jobs after these USA fairs, but in my heart, I feel deflated. I have spent so many hours at this job search and I’m growing weary. I want it to end and I want to walk away with the prize. I yearn to move away to a foreign country more than any other thing.
This week I met with a dear friend to throw back a couple of beers and talk through some of the insecurities I was feeling. She is a patient listener and a wise soul. One of her greatest gifts is the gift of encouragement. She lovingly reminded me that in order for God to do His best work, I have to come to the end of myself. I may not be there yet, but I think I’m getting closer. My attitude and focused vision has been shifting this week. From the beginning of my search, salary has been an important component. I’ve always been self-sufficient. I’ve never been good at being dependent or having to ask for help. I’ve seen dependency as a weakness, so I’ve always wanted to control my life by ensuring I have “enough” of (A-double-L) ALL things. I’ve never been able to be fully “fancy free”. I’ve never been able to be a leisurely traveler; there was always a destination in mind, tickets bought in advance and by-golly a calendar of daily planned events! I’ve always been a planner to the max. I’ve never been able to wake up in the morning without a determination to get things done and check off items from a pre-determined list! At school, I plan my schedule weeks in advance, and this way of being has always served me well. I’m never out of my comfort zone and am usually prepared for the unexpected. Because of my research abilities and careful planning I am rarely caught off guard. I feel self-assured and competent. I believe in myself. But maybe that’s the problem. Years ago, in a women’s bible group, I remember visualizing a great God sitting on a great throne and me tugging at His robe saying, “God, get off that throne and let me up there. I think I could do a better job.”
So, although there are a few more Skype interviews scheduled this week, I’m not emotionally attached. My friend in Morocco was so right when she warned me that there would be schools that I felt sure would extended a contract, and then they’d evaporate right off the map. I’ve had that experience over and over again. I’m not too sure about anything right now. But maybe that’s where I need to be to allow God – the Universe – to work in (A-double-L) ALL things, and in (A-double-L) ALL ways. I’m going to try to get out of the way and see what happens.
Faith In Motion
The flow of things important
The thoughts of doing good
The seeing of a purpose
Of what and when you should
Much begins with giving
But again about the flow
The energy between us
And sharing what we know
Trust in your intentions
And share with all your heart
Faith will guide your journey
And show you where to start
It really is so simple
That many miss the chance
To put their faith in motion
And enjoy life’s precious dance
– Robert Longley
Art Teach Travel 