A-double-L. All

womenBeing thankful.

I was fortunate, once in my life, to meet and be mentored by a great spiritual thinker. When you encounter someone “enlightened” you know it. They operate differently and it seems that they don’t really live here in the same space that the rest of us do. He is no longer living but I think of him from time to time and can remember his sweet voice saying to me, “Be thankful in ALL things. A-double-L, ALL things.”

I’ve done my best this week to be thankful even though I’ve been so disappointed for the outcome of the past two weeks at the UNI and SA recruiting fairs. In my head I know that many teachers are offered jobs after these USA fairs, but in my heart, I feel deflated. I have spent so many hours at this job search and I’m growing weary. I want it to end and I want to walk away with the prize. I yearn to move away to a foreign country more than any other thing.

This week I met with a dear friend to throw back a couple of beers and talk through some of the insecurities I was feeling. She is a patient listener and a wise soul. One of her greatest gifts is the gift of encouragement. She lovingly reminded me that in order for God to do His best work, I have to come to the end of myself. I may not be there yet, but I think I’m getting closer. My attitude and focused vision has been shifting this week. From the beginning of my search, salary has been an important component. I’ve always been self-sufficient. I’ve never been good at being dependent or having to ask for help. I’ve seen dependency as a weakness, so I’ve always wanted to control my life by ensuring I have “enough” of (A-double-L) ALL things. I’ve never been able to be fully “fancy free”. I’ve never been able to be a leisurely traveler; there was always a destination in mind, tickets bought in advance and by-golly a calendar of daily planned events! I’ve always been a planner to the max. I’ve never been able to wake up in the morning without a determination to get things done and check off items from a pre-determined list! At school, I plan my schedule weeks in advance, and this way of being has always served me well. I’m never out of my comfort zone and am usually prepared for the unexpected. Because of my research abilities and careful planning I am rarely caught off guard. I feel self-assured and competent. I believe in myself. But maybe that’s the problem. Years ago, in a women’s bible group, I remember visualizing a great God sitting on a great throne and me tugging at His robe saying, “God, get off that throne and let me up there. I think I could do a better job.”

So, although there are a few more Skype interviews scheduled this week, I’m not emotionally attached. My friend in Morocco was so right when she warned me that there would be schools that I felt sure would extended a contract, and then they’d evaporate right off the map. I’ve had that experience over and over again. I’m not too sure about anything right now. But maybe that’s where I need to be to allow God – the Universe – to work in (A-double-L) ALL things, and in (A-double-L) ALL ways. I’m going to try to get out of the way and see what happens.

Faith In Motion

The flow of things important

The thoughts of doing good

The seeing of a purpose

Of what and when you should

Much begins with giving

But again about the flow

The energy between us

And sharing what we know

Trust in your intentions

And share with all your heart

Faith will guide your journey

And show you where to start

It really is so simple

That many miss the chance

To put their faith in motion

And enjoy life’s precious dance

– Robert Longley

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17 thoughts on “A-double-L. All

  1. […] and co-Emperor, Licinius, issued the Edict of Milan in AD 313, which proclaimed tolerance of all religions throughout the Empire. Constantine likely witnessed forms of Christian persecution in […]

  2. Claudia says:

    Dear Anita, I am with you. I fought and quenched the yearning many times. It takes great courage to yearn in something that one cannot control. And great humility too. Many times I did not muster it and caved in instead. The fire of a great desire can be very hot. It is a brutal and life changing experience to stay right in the midst of it. Control is an illusion.
    My thoughts are with you

  3. Jill Bedgood says:

    Anita, I too liked to control my life, orderly and organized and prepared. This past year or so, I had too many commitments, I could just not spend the time on X or Y. This past summer I taught when I was not expecting too so felt not well prepared, I thought. I took a more relaxed attitude. It was one of the best classes. I listened to them, I watched them and the class flowed. When I have sought balance in my life and decided to see and do for friends, something unexpected happens that often helps my art career. I am learning, I cannot control all things, and best maybe not to try. I am giving myself a break ! allow yourself to have one too !

    • I know in my head that you are so right!!! This is likely the best thing ever for me to relinquish the control I always thought I had, but never did. This lesson is not coming a minute too soon! I need it!

  4. Kelly says:

    To sit patiently with a yearning that has not yet been fulfilled, and to trust that, that fulfillment will come, is quite possibly one of the most powerful ‘magic skills’ that human beings are capable of. It has been noted by almost every ancient wisdom tradition.

    Elizabeth Gilbert

    Dear Anita – Thank you for your continued faithfulness in sharing your journey and blessing us all with the transparency of your thoughts and feelings through which you teach us, move us, and encourage us. You continue to bless us and there is no doubt you will be blessed in return! 🙂

    • Thank you, Kelly. There are so many of my faithful readers that tell me they are on this journey with me and that brings me comfort, as well as the tenacity to go on!!! I know a lot of people are pulling for me. All of you strengthen me. Thank you so much for your love, encouragement and support.

  5. Lori Souza says:

    Anita, I wanted to thank you, again, for your encouraging posts and timely reminders. Recently, I knew I had to contact a principal to cancel a Skype interview, because I felt it was just not the right thing for me. I was so disappointed and terribly discouraged. But, when I woke the next morning, to face the writing of that most difficult email, I found waiting for me, your post, with the words, “Good things come to those who wait!” I cannot tell you how that little reminder just lifted my spirits, that da,y and made all the difference in the world!! Thank you!!! Good things WILL come…maybe not always in the exact shape and manner that we plan and imagine with our own teeny weeny imaginations. But, perhaps, in the form of something we never even thought of!!!! Thanks, again!!

    • Dear Lori,
      You just lifted my spirits! Thanks so much. I have a scheduled Skype interview and I know it is not the right fit for me either. This trend just goes on and on . . .So let’s just keep reminding each other that Good Things Come To Those Who Wait! Holding hands with you across the miles…

  6. Lena Hobbs says:

    Anita, I think a placement will happen during the next two months. Love you, Mom

  7. Shelley Woods says:

    Although we have not spoken in a while, I often think of you, wishing you peace and your hearts desire. Patience is something we all need to work on. You are taking the steps necessary to make big changes in your life. It will happen when you least expect it, that is something you can count on! Love you dear friend!

    • Shelley! I’m so glad to hear from you. Thank you for this reminder. I’m not very accomplished in patience. Everyone who knows me will know how true this is. I hope to see you soon!

  8. Jimmie Hudson says:

    I love your post today. I know I’ve been to the “end of myself” on many occasions. It is a scary place to be, but it is also the place where we are forced to relinquish, and that’s a good thing! Recognizing life is ultimately out of our control is a recognition of the truth of life itself. As I am often reminded: life is not the Jimmie Show.

    • Really? I’ve always thought life was the Jimmie Show. 🙂 Just kidding. I know, we’ve talked of this subject before. It is hard but it is the exact place God wants us to be. I’m sure He gets a kick out of me trying to be in control. It’s good that He has a sense of humor.

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